I won’t even start with a : Last time on Brouhaha…
Because you can glance down below at “the last time”.
Okay, so “Cut In Line Maria” has decided to ignore us all. Enter, daughter Stephanie. Who had also rolled out at some ungodly hour and had already done the Kohl’s thing before making to WallyWorld.
She and Jeanie met me as the line rounded the fabric department and headed for the home stretch.
“So, yeah, I can’t believe the nerve of some people…” I began as if Maria wasn’t even standing there. “…this lady just butted in line saying she had always been here.” I got a rise out of Stephanie and Jeanie, but Maria apparently was engrossed in the flyer. No doubt seeing what other line she could materialize in at another part of the store.
I had decided to be Christian about it and let it go, you know “prefer your brethren” or in this case, “sistern”. I was thinking, what is the Birth of Christ all about? Being the first in line? Grabbing that camera before the other guy? Or letting somebody else go first? Giving. I did want to give. I wanted to give her a sock in the back of her smug head, but I stifled the urge in light of the Peace on Earth and Good Will Toward Men thing.
Steph and Jeanie went off to browse housewares and left me to deal with Maria, or not.
We then received the word, being passed down the line like a World War I trench, that not only did the Wal*Mart managers decide that it would be best to bottleneck us in the now defunct Lay Away; but to further exacerbate our holiday spirit, we had to pay on the spot instead of taking the merchandise to the front like in years past. So we all had to suffer because someone couldn’t write a check fast enough.
Okay, I can handle that, I wanted to compare a couple of things before I made my decision to purchase, but okay, I can obey the new rules.
Enter, “Black Leather Jacket Man”.
I am about six people back from the register at this point and that makes Maria five and I see Black Leather Jacket Man step up to the register with some other nameless lady. I don’t think a lot about it because by now I am anesthetized to the line, shuffling along like drones from George Orwell’s 1984; when from behind me an eruption from Mt. Vesuvius takes place.
“I want to know why this guy is up at the register!”
I turned to see “Ball Cap Man” red faced and beginning to rant.
“I am sick and tired of these people cutting in line and nobody around here will do anything about it!” His comments were directed to a minimum wage Wal*Marteer with an inordinate amount of blue eye shadow.
Then Ball Cap Guy turned his truth bullets toward the manager behind the registers, who stood like a racoon in the middle of a trucker’s convoy.
“I want to know why you make us stand in these “freakin’” (but he didn’t say freakin’ ) lines and then anytime these people want to come up and butt in, you won’t do anything about it! Why don’t we all just do whatever we want!” (that was the PG version but nevertheless, he got his point across).
So the manager steps toward him, “You’re going to have to calm down or leave the store, sir.”
“I’m not going to calm down and I’m not leaving the store.”
“We will have to call security.” (which at Wal*Mart consists of Clem, the Dog Faced Boy that once filled out a Rent-A-Cop application but never quite made it)
“Please,” says Ball Cap Guy. “Call the cops and I’ll be glad to plead my case to them! Because I’m sick of having to obey YOUR rules in these lines every year and we all get screwed by these thieves and no one does anything about it! This guy–” Pointing to Black Leather Jacket Man. “–I’ve seen him try to get in line several different times while we’ve been standing here and he doesn’t even know THIS lady because I heard him ask her earlier if he could give her the money and would she buy his crap for him!”
Ball Cap Guy turns to me for approval.
“I know what you mean man,” I say, “Because this lady did the same thing to me.”
Maria grabs her items and then goes back to checking out the adds without saying anything. Trying to stay under Ball Cap Guy’s radar no doubt.
The line moved again. We are inching toward the goal.
“Is that right?” Ball Cap Guy asks.
“Yeah, I can’t believe the rudeness of people,” I say.
“So she just got in line?”
“Yeah,” I said.
By now Maria is at the register with her items.
“It’s okay,” I say. “It’s no big deal.” Peace on Earth…
“Well it’s a BIG DEAL to me!” Ball Cap Guy says. “She’s not getting in front of me!” And with that, Ball Cap Guy steps to the register and grabs the items out of Maria’s hand. “You’re not buying these things! She needs to get in the back of the line like everyone else!”
Maria is incredulous that someone should think that she, being the upstanding citizen that she is, would cheat anyone.
I could go on, but…
Epilogue…
Black Leather Coat Guy had to go to the back of the line where no doubt he was trying to get some other lady to purchase his items.
Maria was pulled out of line, but they did take her up front and let her purchase her items. So not only was she a liar and a cheat but was rewarded by being escorted to her own private register.
Ball Cap Guy ended up buying 7 digital cameras and a couple of cam-corders (no exaggeration)
And I…
Well, let’s just say, I got another entry in my on-going blog…
And next year? I’ll be back at Wally World again if not looking for a deal, at least to watch the insanity!
ps…
Totally different experience at Target.
Everyone was walking around with StarBucks and I bought breakfast biscuits for Steph, Jeanie and I…
I still like Wal*Mart too, though